Testing Mommy

"Will, Ooooh, please don't bash your car into the wall!"
"Natalie, don't push out the screen...you might hurt yourself and the screen..."
"No, don't write on the wall with mommy's eye liner!"
"Where did you find that bubble marker? You can't color the floor with that!"
"What do you mean you were swinging from the curtains? Is that is how you pulled the entire rod, screws and all out of the wall and chunks of plaster with it?"

Ever since we decided to turn in our notice to move out of our rental home it is like our children are on a mission to do irreconcilable damage to it. I am so scared we won't survive the next 30 days without losing ALL of our security deposit. It is kind of funny. It is like they KNOW that we are trying to be extra careful. They have definately become cohorts in crime lately. Their favorite new hiding place is in our empty fireplace. I am a little concerned about this as our new house will actually have a woodburning fireplace. Our current home doesn't even have the logs and it is not connected to a gas line so it never concerned me to much if they played around it. We will have some explainin to do when we move!
Today, Will sat in the fireplace eating his reward for taking his nap and following his sleep rules. I looked over to see him slipping Natalie his m&m's. She was in chocolate heaven. She kept reaching for more. "Will, don't feed Natalie your m&m's. She is too little!"
"Oh, okay mommy" Then he would pretend to drop one within her reach and she would snag it as quickly as she could. I gave up. My 3 year old outwitted me.

The Joys of Shopping in a Small Town

Have you ever spent an hour in TJ MAXX with a 3 year old, a 2 year old, a 1 year old and an 11 month old?

Okay, so there were 2 mommies. I was one of them. Brandy was the other. My 2 year old went so haywire in that store that I felt like I had all 4 or maye even 50 children I was handling.
"Will?? Where are you?" I called. No answer.
"Will! Come back!" hoping he would have a change of heart and quit hiding in the racks of clothes.
"Will!!!!! I CANNOT SEE YOU!!! WHERE ARE YOU???" nothing.
I started running through the store unable to see or hear him anywhere. Panic was setting in and i felt like I might hyperventilate. What if someone were to snatch him? Finally, Brandy called me back that he had returned to our cart.
This scenario was on repeat. I tried putting him in the cart. He climbed out.
I tried holding him. He squirmed away. I let him walk with me and then he would suddenly lunge military style under the racks and crawl away as quickly as he could. I caught him by one limb. I took him to the toys. There is only one thing for me to look at by the toys. Okay, so two things. Toys, which I am not going to buy, or children's clothes, and inevetibley once again I bought HIM a new shirt. That's because the childrens clothes are right by the toys, and I felt like shopping. I think I have discovered why my children have so many new clothes and I do not. It is because stores that sell childrens clothes cater to children. Both my children do great when I am shopping for them. It is like they know, "Hey, I better behave if I want something new!"
If I ever even spend 10 minutes shopping for myself all holy mahem lets loose. Needless to say, I bought a dress for myself too, but didn't even try it on. I saw it as I left the store, hanging on clearance for $20 and thought, "hey, I can try it on at home in the peace of my own bedroom without my child crawling under the dressing room walls to 'see the lady next door'."
Needless to say, I was sweating, out of breath, frazzled and more than distracted when I got them out to the parking lot. Thinking, and maybe even muttering out loud, "Why do I do this to myself?"
"Will sit down in the cart while I put Natalie in the car!"
"Will, SIT DOWN!" as I buckle Natalie.
"WILL, SIT DOWN! YES, MAAM MOMMY???"
I hear a male voice in the distance, "Looks like you've got your hands full!"
Oh, gosh. Did he hear me yelling? "Yes, I do!" I responded as I looked up into the face of my husand's boss and his wife. Does the pavement open up and swallow me in it?
I smile, try to quit breathing heavily, and put on the best face possible in light of my current embarressment.
"He sure is adorable!" he says of my 2 year old. He is? I feel confused about who he is talking about. Oh yes, that's right. He IS adorable. They just didn't see how he was acting for the last hour.
"Oh, can we see Natalie?" They rush to peak in at Natalie. All I can think about is my FILTHY car and I want to apologize but feel frozen in place. I have been meaning to take it to have it detailed for weeks, but that too feels like too much work to get the carseats out with both kids at the carwash.
It was great to see them, but I did let my embarressment sort of get in the way of my sociability. They probably were wondering what was wrong. Nothing is wrong. I am just a disorganized and frazzled mom who does her best to put on a good face at all times.